Lifelong Learning – Is Not “Self Help”

The Problem: We’ve Been Conditioned

So here’s the deal: I am a fully fun-loving, adventure-seeking, free-spirited, fashion & cat lover- but there’s another side to me that most people wouldn’t guess if they met me for the first time.

A side of me that has contributed to who I am today..

I find deep joy and fulfillment in work and goal achievement.

I love reading non-fiction books that expand my mind, and promote deep thinking.

I’m very selective with what media or content I consume, have high standards and am not easily “entertained”

I get it- these things sound so simple, but let me tell you- these things are not common to the “average” person in the society will live today. In fact, the average person might label these things as “weird”, “boring”, “too serious”

However, most commonly-  this stuff is labeled “SELF HELP” related. Particularly the content I consume that is 90% of the time non-fiction and growth oriented.

I know, I get it. It might seem much “cooler” if I were passively distracting myself from reality with the latest Netflix series that everyone is binge-watching or getting lost in the most recent political drama (which, let’s be honest, is just brain-rotting distraction at its finest).

But, this is me. This is how I operate. (Surprise!) And operating this way, has been profound in the positive results of my life- from my work, vitality, relationships,  and overall sense of well being.

I was inspired to write this post by Dan Koe, who talks about the importance of rethinking how we spend our time and energy.

Here’s the thing: most of us have been trained from a young age to follow a certain path, ignoring our true potential. Schools funded by “the system” trained us into this system.

Employers benefit from our lack of ambition for living in our full potential, and eventually discard us when they no longer needed us.

Society bombards us with distractions—news, memes, and endless noise—keeping us from realizing our true potential. It’s a perfect recipe for an insecure future.

We are taught from an early age to follow a specific path: learn this, do that, pass your exams, get this job. Society programs us to believe that this linear progression is the only way to succeed. By the time you reach your mid-20s, your mind is on autopilot, repeating the same functions over and over again. The creativity and curiosity you had as a child are often stifled by the rigid expectations placed upon you.

The Routine

Each morning starts the same way, feeling like you’re simply going through the motions. Your day begins on autopilot: you get out of bed, head to work, and put in just enough effort to get by. The tasks you complete feel more like obligations than opportunities for growth.

After work, you pay the bills—a routine that constantly reminds you of your financial constraints rather than your freedom.

Your free time is filled with mindless scrolling through social media, comparing your life to others’ curated highlights, whether consciously or unconsciously pining for “likes” on your social posts. This leads to longing for a seemingly better past or anxiety about an uncertain future.

You wish for the good old days, worry about what’s coming next, and briefly fantasize about a future where your sense of security is constantly under threat from AI, automation, or the sheer unpredictability of life.

It’s like living as a robot programmed by aliens, following a script that keeps you stuck and unfulfilled.

There is no doing nothing with your life; you’re either actively pursuing what you want or passively allowing your life to be dictated by external forces. Each day blends into the next, creating a monotonous loop that’s hard to break free from. Your potential remains untapped, and your dreams are sidelined, leaving you feeling more like a bystander in your own life rather than the main character.

Breaking the Cycle

Breaking free from this cycle requires conscious effort and a shift in mindset. It involves setting personal goals that resonate with your true self, engaging in activities that spark joy and curiosity, and continuously challenging yourself to grow. By doing so, you can transform your life from a monotonous routine to a vibrant journey filled with purpose and fulfillment.

The Challenge of Lifelong Learning

Many of us give up on learning after leaving school, burdened by years of extrinsically motivated education that left a bitter taste. Our attention was manipulated by textbooks and teachers, making graduation feel like the first day of freedom.

Ideally, the end of extrinsic education should be the start of intrinsic education. At that point, learning should no longer be for grades, diplomas, or job prospects but to understand our surroundings and develop a personally meaningful sense of our experiences.

My Grandma’s Journey: An Inspirational Example

I will use my grandma as an example, as it is very inspiring. Why do most retired people become depressed? They often view their life accomplishments as a means to an end.

My grandma, now nearing 90 today in 2024, decided within the last five years to learn line dancing and even how to harvest her own honey in a bee suit. She is a perfect example of why we should never stop learning and growing. Her journey shows that lifelong learning and embracing new challenges can bring joy and fulfillment, no matter your age. It’s about maintaining curiosity, seeking new experiences, and continually expanding your horizons.

If my grandma can take up beekeeping and line dancing at 85, what’s stopping you from pursuing that passion or developing that skill you’ve always been curious about?

The Waste of Free Time

Consequences of Passive Entertainment

Honestly, I feel like I lose brain cells when I consume certain types of media, like TikTok videos or brain-numbing Netflix movies. Passive entertainment leads nowhere. We waste millions of years of human consciousness each year. The energy that could focus on complex goals and growth is squandered on patterns of stimulation mimicking reality.

Worse, when we see negative things on TV or movies, our unconscious brain starts seeking these things in real life. This study explains how consuming negative media can influence our behavior and lead us to unconsciously seek more negativity.

“The future will belong not only to the educated man but to the man who is educated to use his time wisely” — CK Brighthill.

Training Your Brain to Love the “Hard”

Embracing Challenges

Here’s a secret: I wasn’t always the person who thrived on challenges. My brain, like most people’s, initially gravitated towards what was easy. It took deliberate effort to train my brain to love what others would call “hard.” Now, when “hard” (or what others might label as such) is presented to me, I naturally get excited about a new challenge, as a place of growth, development, and opportunity.

Science supports the importance of doing hard things. When we engage in challenging activities, our brains release dopamine, the chemical associated with pleasure and reward. This reinforces our willingness to tackle difficult tasks and helps build resilience. According to a study by Dr. Angela Duckworth, developing grit—perseverance and passion for long-term goals—is a key predictor of success

Why It Matters

• Growth Mindset: Embracing hard tasks fosters a growth mindset. Challenges become opportunities.
• Resilience: Facing and overcoming difficult tasks builds resilience.
• Fulfillment: There is deep satisfaction in conquering a tough challenge, far greater than the fleeting pleasure of easy tasks.

How to Train Your Brain

1. Start Small: Begin with small challenges and gradually increase the difficulty.
2. Set Goals: Clear, achievable goals provide direction and motivation.
3. Celebrate Successes: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements.
4. Learn Continuously: Embrace a mindset of lifelong learning.
5. Stay Consistent: Regularly engage in challenging activities to rewire your brain to seek and enjoy them.

Real-Life Application

When I started weight training, it was “hard”- both physically and mentally.  My body and mind resisted. But with consistency, it became a source of joy, and now I go into that “hard” place, with intensity, with minimal effort and on autopilot- as my brain now prefers that other would call “hard” as default mode.

The same applies to building my business. It was tough (and still is), filled with obstacles, but I learned to love the process- keeping focused on the journey of growth along the way.

The Alternative: A Call to Action

We need to wake up. Too many people fall into the trap of a mechanical life:

1. Wake up
2. Go to work
3. Put in minimal effort
4. Pay the bills
5. Scroll social media
6. Wish for the past
7. Worry about tomorrow

We need to break free from this cycle. Brief glimpses of a future where your delusional sense of security will be threatened by AI, automation, or just the randomness of life are not enough.

The Reality

There is no doing nothing with your life. There is only doing what you want or doing what others want for you.

If you choose the latter, your life becomes more mechanical until it is near impossible to escape.

When you’re not living life on your own terms, you’re essentially following a script written by someone else. This script dictates your daily routine, your career path, and even your leisure activities. It’s like being on autopilot, where your actions and decisions are influenced by external expectations and societal norms rather than your own desires and passions.

The Mechanized Life:

• Routine: Your day starts and ends the same way. Wake up, go to work, come home, watch TV, sleep, repeat. There’s little room for spontaneity or genuine excitement.
• Minimal Effort: You do just enough to get by, fulfilling obligations rather than pursuing meaningful goals.
• Dependence: Your sense of security is tied to your job, your social status, and other external factors, making you vulnerable to changes beyond your control.
• Lack of Fulfillment: Despite meeting all external expectations, you feel an underlying dissatisfaction. Your achievements don’t bring lasting joy because they weren’t driven by your true interests or values.

Choosing to live by what others want for you leads to a life that feels more like a series of tasks to be completed rather than a journey of growth and discovery. It’s a life where your potential is stifled, and your true self is buried under layers of conformity. The more you conform, the harder it becomes to break free, creating a cycle that’s difficult to escape.

Breaking Free

To break this cycle, you must take conscious steps toward independence and self-actualization. This means:

1. Setting Personal Goals: Define what success means to you, independent of societal standards.
2. Pursuing Passion Projects: Engage in activities that genuinely interest you, not just those that are expected or rewarded by others.
3. Embracing Challenges: See obstacles as opportunities for growth rather than threats to your comfort zone.
4. Creating Your Own Security: Build skills and resources that give you confidence and resilience, making you less dependent on external validation or stability.
5. Revolting Against Conformity: Dare to be different and make choices that reflect your true self, even if they go against the norm.

By making these changes, you transform your life from a mechanical routine into a vibrant, fulfilling journey. You start living with intention, driven by your passions and values, creating a life that is uniquely yours.

Overcoming the “Self-Help” Stigma

People often label self-development as “self-help” because that’s how they relate to it.

Ironically, those who dismiss it as such are usually the ones who could benefit from it the most.

They may follow the prescribed path without questioning it, mocking self-growth because it challenges their comfort zone. In reality, these individuals might be stuck in a cycle of passive consumption and unfulfilled potential, needing the self-improvement they ridicule.

Ladies, let’s reclaim our time, focus on lifelong learning, and make our free time truly meaningful. Let’s become the best versions of ourselves, continuously growing and thriving in every aspect of our lives. Establish goals as a lifelong process, and embrace continuous learning as the key to a full life.

It’s time to break free from the brainwashing and take control of our destinies. Let’s not just live but live fully and with purpose.