We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. Looking over at the neighbors (or the Joneses) with their shiny new car, perfectly manicured lawn, and that bigger house. Or scrolling through social media, seeing the carefully curated posts that scream, “Look how perfect my life is.” The kids are dressed perfectly, the husband and wife seem so “happy” and fulfilled, and the happy-looking baby that probably never steals their sleep or screams bloody murder in the grocery store.
And in those quiet moments, whether we realize it or not, the question sneaks in: “Am I enough?”
It doesn’t stop there. You start looking at your own life, and suddenly, your house feels too small, your wardrobe isn’t stylish enough, and your life doesn’t seem as exciting as theirs. That nagging feeling that you’re falling behind—it’s exhausting.
Whether you want to admit it or not, you’re watching the “Joneses” far more than you realize—and deep down, you’re wanting. Trying to keep up with them is a trap, one with deep consequences.
You end up chasing something that isn’t even yours. You’re achieving what someone else wanted for you, not what you truly want for yourself. That’s not success; it’s simply following someone else’s blueprint for life.
It’s not intelligence, it’s blind conformity.
You haven’t stopped to question your own programming—to ask yourself what you genuinely desire.
Now, when I say “programming,” I mean the beliefs and values you’ve absorbed from society, family, and even the media. These are the things you’ve been taught to want or strive for, often without even realizing it. It’s like your mind has been conditioned to follow a script that someone else wrote, and you’ve been living by it on autopilot.
When we’re busy measuring success by society’s standards—the car, the house, the job title—we’re missing the point entirely. Even if everyone around you sees your material possessions and thinks you’ve “made it,” they’re blind to real failure: you’ve lost touch with who you truly are.
Your personality and your self-image have been molded into a replica of everyone else’s expectations.
True success isn’t about fitting into the mold that’s handed to you. It’s about creating who you are, from the inside out. It’s about defining your own path, owning your individuality, and shaping a life that brings you joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment. The quality of your life—your true enjoyment—should be a reflection of your choices, not society’s.
So why keep striving for approval from people who don’t even see the real you?
Seeking Approval: The Conditioning from Childhood
This obsession with approval didn’t start overnight. It’s a deep-rooted conditioning that began in childhood. Whether we realize it or not, we’ve been shaped by the people closest to us—often those we love the most. While most of them never intended any harm, consciously or unconsciously, they taught us to seek approval. We were praised for being “good,” following the rules, fitting in, and doing well in school. And when we met those expectations, we received validation.
The “people pleasing” syndrome was developed at a very young age.
That sense of acceptance? It becomes like a drug—something we chase without even realizing it. Over time, this need for approval gets ingrained in us. It’s no longer just about survival or fitting in as a child. As adults, we continue to follow the same pattern, now chasing external validation to maintain an image society deems acceptable.
Here’s the kicker: we rarely stop to ask ourselves if this path is what we truly want. We’re so accustomed to living by these rules that we operate on autopilot, focusing on what others expect from us, rather than what aligns with our authentic selves.
The societal script we’re handed from a young age tells us that success equals approval. Do well in school, get into a good college, land a respectable job, buy a house, and start a family. But here’s the real question: whose script is it? Are you living according to your own desires, or are you following the expectations programmed into you by society and those around you?
The Influence of Peers and Society
As we grow older, it’s no longer just about what our parents or teachers in school think. Suddenly, peer pressure takes center stage. We look around and start comparing ourselves to our friends: Who’s getting that big promotion? Who’s buying the shiny new car? Who has the “perfect” family? It’s no longer just about doing well—it becomes about keeping up with those around us, blending in, and staying part of the group.
The truth is—no one wants to feel left out. It’s our innate human nature to want to belong, to feel accepted. But here’s the question we rarely stop to ask: At what cost? Are you living for yourself, or are you just chasing approval from others? Are you making choices because they’re right for you, or because they’ll make you fit in?
And it doesn’t stop with our inner circles or peers- As we go through life, society’s expectations start to weigh even heavier. Everywhere we turn, media, marketing, and social platforms bombard us with a version of the “ideal” life. Every ad tells us how we should look, how we should live, what we should buy, and even how we should feel.
The message is loud and clear: “You’re not enough unless you have this, do this, or look like this.”
And we believe it, whether consciously or unconsciously. We consume these messages on a daily basis, and they start to feel normal. Before we know it, the need to conform is ingrained deep within us. It’s no longer just about keeping up with the neighbors next door; now, you’re trying to keep up with the entire world’s unattainable standards, perfectly packaged through the lens of marketing and media.
The Programming of Perfection
Society’s programming goes deeper than we think. We’ve been subtly manipulated into believing that perfection is the standard. Whether it’s the flawless skin advertised in beauty commercials, the luxury cars that are supposed to “complete” your life, or the endless stream of influencers showing off a lifestyle of success and happiness, the message is the same: You need more to be worthy.
From the TV shows we watched as kids to the Instagram ads we scroll through now, the narrative remains consistent: you should want what others have.
And if you don’t have it, you’re behind. The societal script tells us that material success and external validation equal happiness.
But here’s the truth: It’s all a lie.
Trying to “keep up” isn’t just exhausting—it’s a waste of your life’s potential. Chasing approval from parents, peers, and society is nothing more than living in someone else’s shadow. It strips you of your individuality and traps you in a loop of constant dissatisfaction.
Breaking the Approval Cycle
The good news? You don’t have to live like this. It’s time to break free from the societal programming that has kept you trapped in a cycle of approval-seeking.
By acknowledging that these external pressures have been shaping your choices, you can begin to unlearn them. You can stop living for others and start living for yourself.
Instead of asking, “Am I enough?” start asking, “What do I actually want?”
You have the power to redefine success on your own terms.
So, how do you break free from this deeply ingrained need for approval? How do you shift from living for others to living for yourself?
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- Pause and Reflect: Whenever you catch yourself reacting to someone else’s opinion, pause. Reflect on whether that reaction is coming from a place of genuine concern or if you’re simply following a pattern of approval-seeking.
- Question Your Motives: Ask yourself, “Do I actually care about this, or am I just going through the motions?” This simple question can disrupt the autopilot response and allow you to make choices that are true to yourself.
- Focus on Your Desires: Shift the focus from what others expect of you to what you genuinely want out of life. Start making decisions based on your own values, not someone else’s expectations.
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Breaking the cycle of caring what others think is essential if you want to live a life that’s authentically yours. This isn’t just about minor decisions; it’s about reshaping your entire approach to life, and choosing a path that aligns with who you really are, rather than the expectations programmed into you from childhood.
Society’s Script: A Guaranteed Failure
I’m going to be brutally honest here: The default path that society hands you—go to school, get a job, buy a house, and eventually retire—might seem like the only option. But if we’re being honest, following someone else’s script means you’re living someone else’s life. You may end up with the shiny car, the perfect house, and an Instagram feed to match, but is that your version of success? Or is it someone else’s idea of what success should look like?
Ask yourself:
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- Who set the goal that you’re currently chasing?
- Did you choose it, or was it handed to you by society?
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If the goals you’re working toward weren’t chosen by you, then what are you really striving for? If you’re merely following a script that doesn’t align with your vision for life, you’ll find yourself constantly seeking approval rather than building confidence in your own choices. This is why so many people feel lost despite appearing successful on the surface.
And that brings us to another check of reality: You care what people think because you’re not confident in your ability to create your own path. You’re depending on someone else to define your role, rather than taking control and creating a life that’s uniquely yours.
True Success: Redefining What It Means
Success isn’t about achieving what others think you should. It’s about understanding who you are and creating the life you want to live. The people around you may see your material possessions and label you as successful, but if those accomplishments were built on someone else’s expectations, they’re blind to the reality that you’re not truly living as yourself.
If you achieved what someone else wanted for you, that’s not intelligence—it’s a missed opportunity.
A failure to question the programming you were handed. It’s not success; it’s conformity, plain and simple. Which ultimately is MEDIOCRICY. (eeh…, I really don’t like that word!)
True success is embracing your individuality, creating a path that’s aligned with who you are, and defining your own goals. The quality of your life, the joy you find in it, should be a reflection of your choices—not society’s.
As Naval Ravikant so wisely put it,
The only real test of intelligence is if you get what you want out of life.- Naval Ravikant
So, why keep chasing a life that doesn’t even belong to you?
The Mind’s Compass: How to Find Your True North
You care what people think because you’re not fully immersed in your own vision. When you’re disconnected from your true purpose, the opinions and expectations of others will fill the gap, clouding your path.
The mind is like a compass, always seeking goals to guide it. But here’s the catch—most of those goals were given to us by society, our families, or our culture. Rarely do we pause and ask ourselves, “What do I want?”
To take back control of your life, you need to:
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- Create your own vision for the future.
- Set deeply personal goals—goals that excite you and push you forward.
- Reverse engineer those goals into actionable steps you can take today.
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When you’re immersed in your own vision, the opinions of others lose their grip on you because they simply don’t align with your path. You become less interested in their approval and more focused on your journey.
You Are Not a Clone!
Here’s the real issue: Society has turned many of us into clones.
We chase the same life milestones without ever questioning if they’re what we actually want.
We buy the house, get the job, and chase status. But are we really living? When you follow society’s blueprint without questioning it, you’re not living as an individual—you’re simply a replica of everyone else’s expectations.
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- True success isn’t about following a script. It’s about writing your own.
- Create your identity from the ground up, based on what you value, not on what others expect of you.
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It’s time to stop following the path laid out by society and start forging your own way.
We were not all created to be robotic clones with the same innate dreams, desires, gifts, interests, OR life vision.
The Passion Process: How to Break Free
Passion.
Somewhere along the way, the word lost its meaning. These days, the internet is filled with messages downplaying the importance of passion. You’ve heard it: “Forget passion, just hustle,” or “Passion won’t pay the bills.” It’s easy to start believing that maybe those voices are right.
But here’s the deal—passion is powerful. It’s that fire inside you, the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning. When you’re passionate about something, you feel it in your bones. It consumes you in the best way possible, making the noise of other people’s opinions irrelevant.
And here’s the thing: people who lack passion are often the ones most concerned with what others think.
Really take a look at those you know, and you will see this to be true most of the time.
Why? Because they don’t have something bigger to focus on. They have no hobbies, no interests, no drive that pulls them away from the need for external validation. Their lives are centered around the approval of others because there’s nothing else steering the ship.
But passion? Passion changes everything.
When you’re truly passionate about something, you stop caring what others think. You’re too focused on what excites you to be bogged down by their opinions. You lose track of time, and suddenly, the external noise fades away. Your passion becomes your compass, guiding you toward your goals and away from the need to fit into anyone else’s expectations.
The truth is, passion sets you free. It breaks you out of the cycle of approval-seeking and helps you stop living for other people. It’s not about impressing others, blending in, or following someone else’s path. It’s about discovering what you care about, immersing yourself in it, and letting that drive your actions.
If you want to break free from caring about what others think, find your passion. Let it be your escape from the constant need for validation. When you’re fueled by something that lights you up from the inside, you take control of your life. You start living for you, and everything else becomes background noise.
Living My Passions in My 40s
Passion has been my compass for as long as I can remember. Now in my mid-40s, I’m more excited than ever to keep discovering new ones.
Recently, I’ve come to embrace a passion for creative problem-solving—whether in my work or personal life, I genuinely enjoy using my creativity to seek out unique solutions. While some may see the process of building or problem-solving as a chore, I find it exhilarating. It’s incredibly fulfilling to bring a visionary mindset to challenges and uncover possibilities that others may overlook.
Fitness, for me, is non-negotiable—not just to stay active, but because it grounds me and keeps me full of energy and vitality. Every workout is a reminder that I’m pushing my limits for myself, not for anyone else. It’s about feeling strong, alive, and in control of both my body and mind, fueling me to take on each day with renewed focus.
Learning new skills keeps my curiosity alive, whether it’s diving into a new book or stepping out of my comfort zone. Writing, on the other hand, is where I process everything—thoughts, emotions, ideas—and share what I’ve learned. It’s an outlet that brings clarity and connects me to my authentic voice.
Photography allows me to capture moments that others might overlook, freezing time through my lens. And fashion? It’s my creative expression, a way to visually show up in the world as the most confident version of myself.
These passions—fitness, learning, writing, photography, fashion, and now creative problem-solving—are my way of living fully and freely, without worrying about how I measure up to others. And as I move through this stage of life, I’m excited to discover even more along the way.
How to Rediscover Your Passion
So, how do you find this passion that seems so elusive?
Here’s the reality: Passion isn’t something you’re born with; it’s something you discover along the way. It’s not about having everything figured out right now, and it’s definitely not about sticking to one path. Passion is found in the process—by trying new things, taking risks, and being open to possibilities.
Learn to lean into your curiosity.
Here’s how to start:
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- Experiment fearlessly: Try everything. Yes, everything. You won’t know what sparks joy unless you’re willing to explore.
- Let passion evolve into obsession: When you find that thing you can’t stop thinking about, the thing that you lose yourself in, lean into it. Passion starts as curiosity but grows into something more—a healthy obsession that brings true freedom.
- Surround yourself with like-minded people: Find those who share your passions. These are the people who will support and encourage your growth. They’ll understand your drive because they’re on a similar path, and the connection you’ll form with them will be unbreakable.
When you’re fully committed to your passion, the opinions of others lose their power. Why? Because you’re no longer living for them—you’re living for yourself.
The Confidence of Passion
The beauty of passion is that it gives you confidence. When you’re doing something you love, it doesn’t feel like work. Learning becomes exciting rather than a chore, and challenges become opportunities rather than roadblocks.
Whether it’s starting a business, learning a new skill, or diving into a creative pursuit, passion turns every experience into something meaningful.
Passion makes you immune to judgment. You’ll be so engaged in what you love that the need for external validation falls away. You won’t care if people think your choices are unconventional or strange. You’ll be perfectly content with your path, even if it looks nothing like what society expects.
Passion as an Escape and Anchor
When you discover your passions, they become more than just hobbies—they become your sanctuary, a place of solitude and peace. Passion provides an intellectual escape from the noise of the world, allowing you to be alone without feeling lonely.
This is how I am now. I look forward to the quiet, sacred time I carve out for myself to focus on my passions.
Although I love spending time with the people I care about and enjoy being social, I deeply cherish those moments when I’m alone. I crave and look forward to those times. Whether it’s writing, working out, problem-solving, or exploring photography, these times allow me to reconnect with myself. They ground me in a way that social interaction doesn’t.
This is my time to recharge, to dive deeper into what fuels me.
The beauty of passion is that it lets you be completely content with your own company. And when you do connect with others who share that same passion, it creates a rare, unbreakable bond.
It’s not about external validation anymore—it’s about finding fulfillment in what truly matters to you.
Guidelines for Finding Your Passion
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to passion, but there are a few key principles to keep in mind:
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- Passion happens when improvement becomes obsession: It’s not just about enjoying something; it’s about wanting to get better at it. Passion drives you to dive deeper, to perfect your craft, to push your limits.
- Passion is discovered on the journey: You won’t find your passion by staying where you are. You have to take steps forward, try new things, and explore unfamiliar territory. Passion is waiting for you somewhere along the path, but you have to walk it to find it.
- It’s a process: Passion doesn’t come in a flash of inspiration. It’s something you cultivate over time. You might not recognize it right away, but as you solve problems, experiment, and grow, your passion will reveal itself.
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Passion Makes Life Playful
Building a life around your passion doesn’t feel like work—it feels like play. Whether you’re learning a new skill, starting a business, or diving into a creative project, it all starts to feel like you’re playing with Legos as a child. The joy of creation, the excitement of discovery—it’s all part of the process.
The Ultimate Freedom
Here’s the bottom line: If you want to stop caring about what others think, discover your passion.
When you’re driven by passion, external opinions become irrelevant. You’ll be too busy enjoying the journey, mastering your craft, and living fully in your purpose to care about the judgment of others. And that, my friend, is the ultimate freedom.
Stop worrying about fitting in. Stop chasing approval from those who don’t see your value. Instead, dive deep into your passion, and watch as the noise around you fades away.
Because the moment you start living for yourself is the moment you break free.
You’re Not Here to Please Everyone
From a young age, society teaches us to fit in, to follow the rules, to blend into the crowd. We’re conditioned to avoid standing out, to not ruffle any feathers, and to make sure that we don’t upset anyone along the way. But let’s be honest: living for others leads to frustration, unhappiness, and, eventually, burnout.
Here’s the thing—you weren’t born to please everyone. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make everyone happy, and bending over backward to meet other people’s expectations will only leave you feeling drained and disconnected from yourself. Living for external approval is a losing game, one where the rules keep changing, and the goalposts keep moving.
The moment you realize that not everyone is going to like you or agree with your choices is the moment you start to take back your power. It’s freeing, actually, to let go of the idea that you have to make everyone happy.
Let’s break this down:
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- Stop living for external approval: Every time you make a decision based on what you think others will approve of, you lose a little bit of yourself. Instead, make decisions that align with your purpose, your values, and your passion. What’s most important is that you’re living authentically—not just doing what you think will make others like you.
- Start living for your own purpose: The only approval you need is your own. When you live in alignment with your purpose, you stop seeking validation from others. You start trusting yourself and your journey. This is where true confidence comes from—knowing that you’re on the right path for you, no matter what anyone else thinks.
- If you lose people along the way, that’s okay: Not everyone will understand your journey, and that’s fine. Some people may drift away, or even push back when you start living authentically. But the truth is, if they can’t support the real you, they were never meant to be part of your journey to begin with. It’s okay to outgrow people—that’s part of life.
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Ultimately, you’re not here to meet other people’s expectations—you’re here to live a life that feels true to you. The sooner you embrace this truth, the sooner you’ll experience the freedom that comes from living fully and freely, without apology or compromise.
Question Everything You Know
If you want to live authentically, here’s the truth: you need to start questioning everything you’ve been taught. So much of what we’ve absorbed—whether from our families, our peers, or society at large—is rooted in old beliefs, outdated ideals, and expectations that don’t serve us. But how often do we stop and ask ourselves, “Is this really what I want?”
Let’s start by challenging the script that’s been handed to us:
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- Is this really what I want?: When was the last time you stopped to ask yourself this question? We’re often so caught up in doing what’s expected of us that we forget to pause and reflect. Are you pursuing your goals because they fulfill you, or because it’s what you think you should be doing? Take a moment to dig deeper and get real with yourself.
- Am I pursuing this because it fulfills me, or because it looks good to others?: This is a powerful question to ask yourself regularly. It’s easy to fall into the trap of doing things that look good on paper or make you appear successful in the eyes of others. But the real question is, does it make you feel successful? If it’s not fulfilling, if it’s not aligned with your true self, it’s time to reevaluate.
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When you start to question everything, you’ll begin to see the cracks in society’s idealism. You’ll realize that the path you’ve been told to follow isn’t the only path. It’s not about following the life plan that was handed to you—it’s about creating your own plan, your own vision, your own definition of success.
And that’s the beauty of it all: You get to choose. You get to decide what matters to you, what makes you feel alive, and what brings you joy. The life you’re meant to live is one that you design, not one that’s been pre-written for you.
Final Thoughts: Living Authentically, Living for Yourself
Living authentically means daring to question everything—the beliefs you’ve been handed, the expectations society imposes, and even the ones you’ve placed on yourself. You weren’t born to make everyone else happy or to conform to a societal mold. You’re here to live a life that’s uniquely yours, to follow your passions, and to fully embrace your own journey.
The truth is, the only approval you need is your own.
When you let go of the need to satisfy others and start living for yourself, you’ll find a sense of freedom and inner fulfillment you never knew existed. The world opens up in ways you never imagined, and suddenly, you’re living on your terms—not according to someone else’s blueprint.
It’s Your Life, Not Theirs
Here’s the most important key to remember: It’s your life. It doesn’t belong to your family, your friends, or society. You have the freedom to shape it however you want.
So how do you start?
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- Create a big, bold vision for yourself: Don’t hold back. Dream big, and map out a life that excites and fulfills you.
- Embrace the discomfort of going against the grain: The path to living authentically isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth it.
- Live authentically, even if it means breaking the mold: The only opinion that matters is yours. Everyone else’s expectations? That’s just noise.
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It’s time to stop caring what others think and to stop trying to fit into a box that wasn’t built for you. The moment you stop living for the approval of others is the moment you start living for yourself.
Create your vision, follow your passion, and break free from societal expectations. You’re not here to keep up with the Joneses. You’re here to break the mold and live a life that’s truly your own.